December 2005 Newsletter

The most common question I get asked is this,
"Why do you still go to meetings?"

The answer is because I know what happens to those that don't go to meetings. I don't ever want that to happen to me. How many times have you sat in a meeting with someone who's just come back and one of the things you hear from them is, "I just stopped going to meetings." There's more that they don’t say but that reason is always the same. If you've read anything I've written you know I love recovery. I'm not the type that eats, sleeps and talks about it. I'm closer to the middle of the road in most aspects but the love of recovery is deep in my heart.

When I was starting out as well as throughout the years I've done lots of adventuring in recovery, checking the boundaries and finding the corner-posts. I know where they are and today I do my best never to skate on the "Thin Ice" of recovery. I do my best to teach those that I sponsor and my friends just how dangerous I believe thin ice to be. That's why I don't believe in "Near Beer" or some of the "Near Drugs" or whatever your flavor of addiction is. I don't need that type of chaos in my life. That's all that those things are. They're addiction in disguise waiting for some poor addict to find them. I'm not against prescribed medication. I'm alive today because of prescribed medication and the last thing I can be is someone’s Doctor. The Doctor went to school to know what we don’t and they are really capable of making the call. But what I want to share about is this--I believe people need to keep going to meetings because of what they have to share. I believe I need to be at meetings just as bad today as I did the first day because I need to hear. I need to hear everything that the meeting has to share with me. I need to be there so that the new-comer can see someone like me listening to them share. I need the new-comer to share with me just how bad the chaos of addiction is. I need to listen to each word and pull that information into my soul and believe that what they are sharing is truth.
We learn how to admit our addiction in the first meetings. We get to keep admitting this truth as we go along the path of recovery. When I sit with a "sponsee" I want to hear him admit to his addiction. My sponsee wants to hear me admit to my addiction also. When we admit to our addiction we take the first step toward walking away from addiction. When we start putting hours, days, weeks and then years behind us we leave addiction and move fully into recovery. Addiction is what we are moving away from and recovery is our beacon guiding us through our life of recovery. Addiction is a destination but recovery is a never ending process of finding out who we are in our world.

"In the acceptance lies the solution" was told to me in my first meeting and just like then I believe it today. We need to admit to God, ourselves and others that we are addicts. Then we need to accept it. We need to see that in our addiction anything was possible and we truly were powerless over our addiction. Sponsee's hearing me sharing with them how my addiction was for me shows them that I walked out of Hell and that I live in Recovery today. My sponsee's sharing with me shows me that addiction is still Hell and they now have a destination to walk towards. Recovery doesn't happen by sitting in a meeting listening to others. Recovery doesn't happen by sitting in meetings reading the material. Recovery only happens when one person sits with another and starts to share their soul with them. It's in the process of honestly showing how recovery happens that I start to see more recovery. It's in the process of one recovering person sitting with another that the miracle is duplicated. We are human beings and we need relationships in our lives that challenge us to keep growing. I never went to the "Dead Sea." The Dead Sea is dead because there is nothing flowing into it to feed it. I've seen the same thing in people I love dearly; they stopped sharing and because of that they dried up.
Sitting in meetings passively sharing, doing "busy" work is simple. Sitting with another person sharing deeply with them how it was, what happened and what it is like now for us is hard. Opening up new relationships keeps us fresh and keeps us learning. New information is vital to growth. Relying on old ideas can only hinder people. As members we need to challenge each other to keep growing. As members we need to be listening to voices coming to us in the meetings. As members we need to keep working the steps of recovery.

It freaked me out to learn that there are members with time in recovery who haven't finished the steps. They are in the meetings sharing and they haven't finished all the steps. I was even more amazed to find out there are members who haven't even read the text of their recovery book I was amazed to find that out are you? I didn't want to be one of them so I put on my track shoes and went to work. I put on my work clothes, found a sponsor and honest meetings. I found others who had honestly worked the steps, read the books and were continuing with the work to achieve recovery. I found this out and it's a statement I believe; "You cannot take some one where you haven't been and you can't teach something you don't know."

I had lots of people ask me over the years to sponsor them and there were some I failed. I had great words to share and I had funny story's to share from the podium and in the meetings. Those things make great material but they make terrible bunkmates during the night when the "horror's" of addiction come calling. Because of deep shallowness I had nothing in my life to fall back on. I had a good looking bucket, but my bucket didn't have a bottom. I've laid in beds all over the country, trying to sleep, knowing if someone saw me that they'd lock me up and not let me out. You want to know how much "Recovery" you have, ask yourself this question? How well are you sleeping at night? Most people are suffering at night because they haven't done the work. They are stuck with "undone" work and that work starts to chase them at night. The "Undone" work starts to nag at them around three in the morning. The undone work in my life almost drove me crazy and it was winning until I found a sponsor who had a sponsor and they both went to meetings. The chain of accountability was there and working. They all had done steps and were still doing the steps. They all had honest recovery that allowed them to sleep at night and the recovery they had could stand the light of examination. When I started working the steps, going to the meetings to learn instead of trying to find a date, miracles happened. When I started working the steps, reading the books that belonged to my program, I started to change. I started to live in recovery instead of play in recovery.

I had memorized the necessary things so I could date, but every woman I dated quickly saw through the facade. When I started working in recovery I no longer had time to date and I no longer had the desire to date. I knew what I had to do and I knew that a relationship would only get in the way.

When I work with others today I don't need to judge them. I don't need to be mean to them. I don't need to laugh at them. We all came into recovery beat up and the last thing I needed was some one being mean to me. I was already being mean enough to myself I didn't need anymore help.

I hear so many "Old Timer's" laughing at new-comers. I hear so many old-timers trying to figuratively beat up the new-comer and trying to get them through twenty years in twenty months. I know I had to walk my walk and I know that the next person needs to walk their walk. I do share my experience. I try to help the person learn the important things. First being this. God is God. God is not the group. God is not the wonderful tree just outside the club or in the park. God is not your girlfriend or any other animate object. God is God. We are here through His Grace. Do I have a solid idea of what God is? I do. I know exactly who my God is and I love my God deeply for saving me and bringing the things in my life that He has brought me. I love God because of what I've been given.

Do I try to cram that down anyone's throat? Nope. That's not my job. I'm here to teach and if the person wants to learn that's great. If they don't want to learn then it's time for them to start looking for the next sponsor, because if we can't agree on that important subject no ground can be made. I love recovery too much to try and water it down so it tastes better. I love recovery too much to lie. I don't want to lie and tell someone that I don't care what they believe when I do care. I can't sponsor someone who believes the "Old Oak" tree with the "Yellow Ribbon" around is God, when I know it's not. I can't sponsor someone in name only, sign their court card and pat them on the head and pray for them. I pray for them, tell them the truth and encourage them to move along or find someone else who can help them. Old-timers need new-comers just as bad as the new-comer needs the old-timer. We only grow from the bottom up. We need the new-comer coming in through the front door and we need the old-timers sitting in the rooms teaching, watching and listening. There is an old quote that says that "The master eye, works twice as hard as the master's hand." That lesson needs to be taught. It can't come through osmosis.